The worries are starting to kick in. I have 3 more days to go for my second consultation (second opinion). I’m sort of feeling tugged between I’ll-be-fine and it’s-right-back-to-the-beginning. I mean, I shouldn’t be so uptight about this one but then again I have lots of reason to be uptight. Number one is that a whole new person will be looking at my teeth and “secretly” judging me. I just KNOW they do, how can anyone NOT judge you?

So I spent a couple hours cleaning the bathroom and working on a photography assignment just to try and rid my mind of the up and coming months that I have to deal with. Now that I’ve stopped and taken a breath of fresh air from toilet and shower cleaning chemicals, I can’t help but to start worrying all over again. So I paid a brief visit to the forum.

I’m so glad Lyn has Tuesday off. She’s definitely coming with me. I think I’m mentally prepared to hear the same thing that the first dentist said. But I don’t think I’m prepared for what’s to come. I mean, I’m someone who doesn’t like attention being brought to me. I don’t like people asking me if I’m “ok” during some sort of procedure. I just wanna be left to observe. I don’t wanna be the one to be IN that situation but here I am. How do you disconnect yourself from something you don’t want to deal with or face? It’s so hard to explain what I go through or how it makes me feel. It’s like the more someone “pampers” me in a medical sense, the more my anxiety intensifies. Does that make sense?

I dunno…. I guess I’ll just keep repeating…. “I don’t wanna gag.” And that statement is as about as close to “I don’t wanna die” as it’s gonna get.