And the title pretty much sums that up. I have to wait a month before anything can begin. I just hope that I don’t start having doubts and getting scared again. My body seems to be going through a stress test of sorts. My neck is getting stiff/tense, I torqued my back somehow making it difficult to breathe in deeply. I’m a lot more tired the past few weeks, I can’t seem to shake this cold/cough, and my emotions are running amuck. As I wrote on my Facebook status… “I’m falling apart”… in which a friend replied… “Duct tape!”. Yeah, it works wonders. But my next comment after that was my girl saying she’ll hold me together. That was the sweetest thing! I smiled inside!

So I posted a VERY small photo of my smile on the Dental Forum I belong to. A very embarrassing thing, but the 2 other “Dee’s” posted their before pictures so I knew it had to be my turn. I just keep imagining myself with nice straight teeth where I can smile and not get stared at or frowned at or have anyone give me a disgusting look. Ugh, just makes me all the madder and wanting to kick myself all over again. I have to keep reminding myself that I’ll be able to eat all the things I’ve been missing out on.

Well, just a few more months… anyway, we got the approval from the bank. I’ll be in debt forever now. So much for a nice xmas and visiting my mum. I think that’s what breaks my heart the most. I’m so strewn with emotions I can’t keep them in check or in order. Scared about the upcoming procedures, upset I cancelled my leave for going back home, excited about getting new teeth, upset that it’s costing me heaps and I’ll have no money to save…. and hurt that my partner has to put up with all of these mixed emotions of mine. I certainly have a hard time keeping them in tact, I struggle to let her know which way I’m going. Bear with me please… just bear with me. It’ll all be over with before we know it.

I have Lyn to thank… she’s been my rock.