Arachnophobia! Who hasn’t seen that movie?

Growing up my Aunt lived next door to two brothers. Michael and David. To be honest, I can’t remember which one it was that I hung around with most. I was probably about 11 or 12? Definitely not into boys but he was fun to hang around with. He was also a bug collector. He had styrofoam boards with all the bugs he’s collected stabbed into the foam with push pins. And I clearly and distinctively remember helping him catch these bugs…. and yes, even spiders.

So, where exactly did this fear of spiders suddenly come from?

It seems that I noticed it probably a bit after high school. More so in my 20’s and 30’s (I’m a year off 60 now). But the deep seeded fear of seeing a spider. It was more so a bolt. I didn’t scream. I just bolted!

At my job in my mid 30’s I worked in the basement of a building although you’d never know it was a basement but it was the perfect location for the wood spiders. Fairly decent size. A quarter basically. Or an Aussie twenty cent piece. To me, those were big. I know what you’re thinking… “you live in Australia! They have man-eaters!” Ok, yeah they do have BIG spiders and no they’re not MAN eater, and yes I do NOT like those either but wait, lemme finish.

These wood spiders would freak me out. My eyes would close my mouth clenched tight and I would cover my ears. I just instantly felt like they would suddenly crawl into any open orifice. I think this is why I didn’t or couldn’t scream. But I would certainly startle my coworkers who were near me when I saw one.

Over the years it didn’t matter what size. Could be the tiniest of spiders. But I had an issue with them. I dreamt about them just coming out of the woodwork. The same dreams over and over of me trying to dodge massive cobwebs, and the huge huge spiders nestled in the middle of them. Sometimes they felt so vivid like it was real. Did I really experience something like this?

Cut to Australia. So here I am now and I’m dealing with baby huntsman’s. The size of the wood spiders, and I have occasionally seen a very large huntsman but that was once. I’ve also now seen a small tarantula and great big giant orb spiders. Creepy AF but have learned to force myself to watch, look at them.

I dreamt again of the ceiling filled webs and spiders and trying to dodge them and then one day a full blown memory struck me. I finally realised why I had become so petrified of spiders.

Back in my home state of New Hampshire, we had a little theme park called Canobie Lake. That theme park is where I took my first rollercoaster ride with my best friend Wendy. We had gone on a school field trip there. After the rollercoaster ride, we decided to go on the Canobie Queen boat and tour the lake.

This boat is the original from the 70’s. Note the rows of seats and the Canopy top. When we boarded the boat and walked down the isle to find a seat, this is where it all took place. I saw the first spider in the corner as I passed the first set of seats, then I saw a web up in the corner. I looked down to watch where I was walking and found an empty seat for Wendy and myself. When I looked at the seat there was a web above us with a spider in it. I sat down on the isle. Wendy was on the outside. Once I sat down, then I began to take full notice of my surroundings. There were spiders and webs literally EVERY WHERE. Every nook and cranny of that boat. Running along the floors, back of the seats, hanging from their webs, sitting in their webs, and it was then that I just got a huge case of the heebie jeebies. My skin started to crawl. Tingling sensations, goosebumps, and hairs standing on the back of my neck. I was shocked and horrified at the same time. Horrified there were SOOO many spiders and shocked that the owners didn’t remove them or get rid of them.

I was then frozen in my seat for the whole 20 minute trip around the lake. Locked in place. I covered my ears, closed my eyes and kept my mouth shut. It was absolutely horrifying. I couldn’t wait to get off that boat.

I had this memory locked up so tight, it was like a massive revelation when it surfaced. I was jumping up and down so excited that I figured out where that fear came from.

Today. I still get the heebie jeebies but I’m education myself. I’m exposing myself to them via Instagram. I follow some people who love spiders. My now favourite spides is the jumping ones. I will never kill them and I will let them roam around my desks and walls. We don’t have that many but these little Web Puppies are adorable in their own right.

The huntsman’s don’t hurt humans. They actually keep the cockroaches away and eat them. The largest I ever saw was about the size of my own hand but it was in someone else’s house in the woods (mainly where they stay). Orb spiders are huge and I have seen a very large one at our Botanical Gardens. Again, they just mind their own business. I will look at them and get the shivers but I don’t react the way that I used to.

Will I ever hold one? Yes and No. Yes if it’s a jumping spider, but I have yet to gain the courage to let one jump on me. And no, I will never hold a tarantula at some petting zoo. NO NO NO… but I respect them.

I hope you enjoyed this little story and I hope that one day you can discover the deep seeded root of your fear. Whatever it may be.